The next piece from “Letters to a Dying Flame (working title),” is titled “Love Her, But Leave Her” and is inspired by one of my closest friends. He shared his perspective with me during a more difficult time in his romantic life, but remains one of the strongest and kindest human beings I know!
It’s said the world hurts people in weird ways. From quick love stories between stops on a train to utter damnation, there’s no rule book for how to survive it. Ours was a similar, swept-up-in-the-feeing kind of love. It overtook our lives and we happily let it.
I wish there was more to say, it’s two in the afternoon and I’m thinking of you, but mostly how I don’t know how to keep loving you. The thousand times I opened myself to you, or the hundreds I’ve given myself to you, weren’t enough to calm your storm.
No matter what I do it seems.
No matter what I do, it won’t make a difference to you. How could I have possibly experienced everything that was our love and loss and end up knowing less than I did before?
I now know less, but I carry with me much more. A weight added to me indefinitely, and it doesn’t warrant a single glance from you.
It doesn’t matter that you taught me what love is. That you taught me I was capable of love in ways beyond my comprehension. That I can carry heartbreak and still go on.
I couldn’t do the same for you. I couldn’t open your world and rearrange the pain and suffering you were tormented by. That’s what hurt the most…that you could teach me to love and but my love could not make you believe you were worthy of it.
You deserve someone who will open your eyes and fuel your soul. You deserve to heal, to love and feel every moment of your existence without crumbling.
I can’t be the one to give this to you, I can’t be the one to hold you, this is the part of healing we have to do on our own.
It’s true that the world hurts people in weird ways, and the weirdest way the world hurt me was when it gave me you.
A Series of Observations 