A Series of Observations

My dating history is limited, but the story I have for you today is simply unbeatable, and to this day, the best date I have ever been on, with the shortest relationship I ever had.

This victim’s code name is “Bank Guy.” As you might be able to deduce, he worked at a Bank, and this is where our story begins.

Sweet and handsome bank guy caught my eye every time I joined my mom for her banking needs, and as a teenager finishing high school, naturally I’d look really good for a morning errand to the bank.

He was incredibly nice each time we came in, and would not so subtly do everything in his power to make sure he was the one helping us that day. Naturally, I did the exact same.

That was the dance we played for a couple years. Only seeing each other when I stopped by, and it would be super friendly and then done. Come to find out the world is smaller than we think, and he happened to be dating a girl younger than us whose father worked with my mom. All very nice people, and nothing bad ever happened.

Fast forward a couple years, and we’re getting ready to head to college, and by head I mean our local SUNY school (Go Binghamton!).

I distinctly remember being at orientation, and seeing him constantly out of the corner of my eye, always looking like he wanted to come up and say something, but never did. A smile here, another appearance there, we honestly didn’t even cross paths on campus much, as we were in different programs. This entire time I assume him and the high school girlfriend are still together.

Bank visits are still a hot errand to run during this time, and I believe we had a very nice little friendship as we got more comfortable talking to each other.

Time passes again, this time I don’t remember how much, but I do remember it’s summertime. Mom and I enter the bank, I look adorable in my athleisure wear, and the timing is perfect for Bank Guy to be our favorite helpful guy. We do our business, but end up talking with him for an extra half-hour. Turns out he got accepted to a college down in the city for law school, and would be leaving by the end of the summer.

Happy for him, my hopeful little heart broke a tiny bit, but there are always more guys.

We leave, I go about my day and to end my day with the sweetest treat, I find someone added me as a friend on Snapchat. To my absolute delight, it’s him.

We begin to get to know each other better, he’s salaciously flirty and complementary, and I realize the high school girlfriend is no longer in the picture. We talk on the phone all the time, and very quickly he asks me on a date.

Hindsight shows there were some red flags I definitely ignored, but truthfully this story isn’t even about Bank Guy.

It’s about the date with Bank Guy.

Setting the scene further, we are deep in the COVID-19 lockdown, literally everything but grocery stores and very brave businesses are shut down and we truly believed it would all be over soon.

We rescheduled a couple times, I started to get those “I don’t wanna go” anymore nerves, and we opted to go to a local bar down the street from my house. I told my parents I’d probably be back in an hour and a half tops.

I didn’t get back until after 3 hours.

It went so incredibly well, we had such a great time talking and laughing, and I knew I wanted to see him again even though he was leaving, and I think he did too.

The best part of this date wasn’t about Bank Guy, or the good weather, or even our chemistry, it was the fact that halfway through, my ex-boyfriend shows up to the bar with his (our) friends. I do say our friends loosely, but I know them all from grade school, and saw them pre and post puberty, you don’t forget people after an experience like that.

I LOOK GOOD, I’m laughing and connecting with a GOOD LOOKING guy who we, god-bless, didn’t grow up with, and my first love and first heartbreak walks right into the door.

I was no longer smiling at Bank Guy’s jokes, I was smiling out of pure and unadulterated joy.

To make my karmic surprise even sweeter, they all picked a booth that had direct sight of my table with Bank Guy, and instead of facing with his back to me, he chose the side with a perfect view.

How sweet of him. I completely and totally relished in this moment and thanked every God in existence that this moment was bestowed upon me at such a rewarding time.

Bank Guy and I go for seconds on our drinks, and I’m definitely feeling it at this point, but it’s time to break the seal and I have to use the bathroom urgently. The path to the bathroom goes right past their table.

Like the confident woman I am, I adjust my tits and take myself to the bathroom, stopping quickly at my ex’s table to say hi to everyone and ask how they all are. Most of the guys are totally happy and act normal at seeing me. My poor pathetic ex for once in his life doesn’t have much to say. I smile a little harder and wish them a good night, I’m using the bathroom and then I really have to get back to my date.

Bank Guy and I wrap up our time together before my ex does, and we leave him wondering the rest of the night if I went home with him or not. I hug Bank Guy goodbye, since he was leaving for law school the next day, and I honestly can’t remember if we even kissed.

I guess if we did, it wasn’t that good.

Our relationship carried on over the phone for a month, and truthfully I never saw him again after that day.

I happily and dramatically ended our relationship when I saw him around our home town with the high school ex-girlfriend-turned-re-girlfriend and caught him in a lie.

As far as I know they are still together, and to no surprise he wants to go into politics.

I have dated far better looking guys, far nicer guys, and far more available guys since then, but to this day, that is the most memorable date I have ever been on…

And it wouldn’t have been possible without Bank Guy!