A Series of Observations

Ahh the quarter life crisis…right on schedule! Some decide to run marathons, others break up with their significant other (or get broken up with). Some change their hair or maybe their job or they get a pet. The severity of the decision is directly proportional to the severity of the feelings of existentialism, as science (my own personal observations) have shown.

My quarter life crisis included: getting broken up with, chopping my hair (again), travelling the world (again), and deciding I was done waiting around for my life to begin. I swear I almost picked up running shoes but decided to wait for the craze to die down…a 5K is the longest marathon I’ll ever run in this lifetime.

A year ago, my life looked very different from where I wanted to be and with my focus zooming in and in without check, I lost track of the plot. Every day it felt like the genuine efforts I was trying to make towards my “dream life” were without result.

I felt a great many things, as I still do, but most of all I felt a little stuck.

Flashing forward a year later, my life is much different once again.

I’m at a precipice with my career. I’m done having the smaller jobs that “get me by,” and will soon move onto the job that really fuels who I am and where I want my life to go (hopefully).

I’m at a precipice in my love life. I had a partner that I loved very much, and we broke up almost a year ago. At the time that I originally wrote this chapter, it was shortly after we parted ways and heavily influenced by the depth of loss I was feeling. Regardless, the life I thought I was building with them became a fictional tale, so I had to plan something new.

I’m at a precipice with my platonic relationships. Simply put, there are so many people who over the years, no longer have an active place in my life because they aren’t or weren’t showing up for me in the ways I want and need friends to do. They have been the hardest to let go, but I am no longer willing to give the energy to give to people who do not reciprocate.

I’m at a precipice in my personal life and identity. Somehow I have never been more aware of every version of myself up to this point and how much I’ve grown, but more importantly the direction I’m going and what that future version of myself looks like.

I’m undeniably changing, and all these changes are quite honestly scary to experience all at once. But we all know we have little choice in the matter, it’s going to happen whether we want it to or not.

I think above all, I’m secretly hoping I don’t have to make a decision at all. That life will simply take me down the path I’m meant to be, and the decisions will be made easily, because there are simply no other options for me.

We all know life is not that kind, or that simple.

So what do we do? What do I do? We Zoom Out.

One step at a time has always been good advice. However a step forward implies there’s a direction we are heading in.

Something I learned in college was breaking things down into steps. Now that might seem completely intuitive, but I assure you, to my 20-year-old brain, it was revolutionary.

Our first act of Zooming Out will be to break it all down. What is the larger goal? Then write down every point underneath that is meant to get you there, no matter how big or small.

You can take that list and organize things into priority or ease. Now you have a clear list of steps to take, which means minimizing mental overwhelm and having the freedom to choose what we want to accomplish based on our capacity and availability.

Let’s use a goal of mine as an example so you can see.

1. BECOME A PUBLISHED AUTHOR/FULL-TIME WRITER
   • Write book
     • Have an idea
     • Generate characters, world build, and plot the story
     • Put it down on the page
     • Edit
   • Get an agent
     • Have an elevator pitch ready or synopsis page (sometimes called a one-sheet), and/or a query letter
     • Use online resourves and connect with agent
   • Publish book
     • Do what my publishing house/contract says

Keep in mind I hope to be traditionally published, so like anything, it will look different for you.

My big goal only has 3 major steps, and only 2 of those things are something I will likely have to do on my own, with a handful of realistic smaller steps underneath. It’s totally possible that I will have to alter things along the way, but the bones are there.

I guarantee that any goal you have can be broken down in this way. How much better does it feel to know you only have 3-4 big steps ahead of you instead of a black hole of the unknown?

I’m serious! What’s stopping us from Zooming Out and looking objectively at the things weighing us down in life and simply deciding that we cannot do it all at once and shouldn’t have to?

Well realistically, responsibilities, blah blah blah. Set that aside for a second and ask yourself, if there were no consequences, what would you do? Make that list and then figure out how to get there with the realities back in place.

It might not be easy, but it has to be more freeing than the weight we feel from not doing the things our soul is called to do.