I’m torn between the overwhelming fear of never achieving my dreams and the hesitating fear of achieving them.

My best friend Kelly and I have incredible conversations, usually over Facetime with our distance, but really time and location are of little consequence to us. We enjoy hours long conversations about everything and anything, doing some of our best brainstorming and healing in the span of those very crucial hours.

Our most recent conversation was no different. Held on the 8^th of August in the year 2026, spiritual individuals will know this day to be the Lion’s Gate Portal; a powerful day for manifesting, expanding your world, and planting seeds for the future.

Kelly and I spoke for four (4) hours, long into the parts of night usually reserved for dreaming of a different capacity, but we were entirely energized, and I think we created some magic in that experience that night.

Wishes were spoken, fears were released, dreams were conjured, and I think in a way that entire conversation was a form of manifestation for us. I remember somewhere between recent date stories and our sixth time saying goodnight, telling her that I have a new philosophy these days.

It’s usually simple but not necessarily easy.

            In the way that life tends to boil down to a choice. One thing or another, relatively simple, right? Choices may be one thing or another, but that doesn’t mean what comes after that choice is easy.

I’ve had moments as of late resulting in what the professionals are calling “decision paralysis.” Days off where I ended up watching TikTok for far too long despite everything else I wanted or needed to do, because I couldn’t pick any one thing to do first and thought I had enough day left, but then the day disappears and I got nothing done. On those days I sit and wonder where my creativity has gone, continuously reaching for my phone expecting the next video to give it back to me; but I haven’t found my way back to pen and paper, sewed an item, drawn, pulled tarot, did fun makeup, journaled, or played the piano in months. Probably because I thought I had enough time, that one day wouldn’t kill me, and then time flew by anyways.

I have other days where this isn’t an issue. I get so much done, everything I need to do checked off the list but never everything that I want to. I suppose the root of the problem is there is always something I’m avoiding, and lately that has been writing. I do the quick and easy tasks first, the ones that still feel like an accomplishment and are important but eventually don’t leave room for the big things. My writing is the source of where every branch of my creativity stems from, and I have avoided it long enough.

On my social accounts I enjoy a lot of content produced by other writers. Tips and tricks, daily routines, etc. and I love to see where I can fit these suggestions into my life, hoping it will make me a better writer. As much as I support them all and love to watch this type of content, I found myself not measuring up to them, and angry that it was taking me so long to find a groove with my writing routines and drafting. Angry that I couldn’t abandon my responsibilities (or at least fit it all in between them) and disappear to some beautiful remote location and just do it all the way I see it in my head.

Here’s an even deeper truth, I have been entirely terrified I’ll never measure up to my own standards. I’m less scared of the process of creating, even if it is daunting, but rather what comes after it’s done.

Will it be published? Will it be criticized to the point of ending my journey just as it begins? Will I have achieved the type of greatness I’m hoping for? Will I be worthy of sitting among those authors and their stories? Am I capable of getting to that point?

I’m torn between the fear of never achieving my goals and the fear of what happens when I achieve them.

The fact of the matter is that the choice is simple. I decided many years ago without ever truly realizing it that I will write novels, I will be published, and I will build my life through words; my most powerful resource. Everything that has come after that choice will not necessarily be easy and I have made the next best choice to feel the fear and do it anyways.

I will find that creative energy in me again, if only because I know that I cannot live without it.

I think what comes next for me is combining a lot of the lessons I’ve already shared in previous Zoom Out chapters. Follow my intuition, rest when I need, always make the next best decision, look for the good in all things and hold onto hope.

Writing has been so hard lately because I didn’t really have much to say. Life was calm, and so much of what I have written was based on experiences and my feelings towards it. With the calm, my creativity didn’t know how to react with nothing to pull from.

So I’m getting used to it, the calm and what comes out of it, because the calm won’t last and my creativity needs to be able to go with each ebb and flow that life throws at me.

It’s always as simple as a choice, but I’m ok if what comes after isn’t easy. I’ll write each word one at a time, I’ll set goals and achieve them one by one, and I will learn to put my damn phone down more often.

I’ve never been one to back down from a challenge, I suggest that you do the same! Even if the greatest challenge is against yourself.